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Experiencing rejection, especially when it occurs frequently, is not a great feeling. Someone is turning you down, delivering a definite “No.” Being an author, I am well acquainted with rejection. I commenced submitting articles five decades ago, just after college graduation. Since then, I have had two novels turned down, along with nonfiction proposals and countless pieces. In the last score of years, concentrating on personal essays, the rejections have only increased. Regularly, I receive a rejection frequently—totaling in excess of 100 annually. Overall, rejections throughout my life number in the thousands. Today, I could claim a PhD in handling no’s.

But, does this seem like a woe-is-me rant? Not at all. As, at last, at seven decades plus three, I have embraced rejection.

By What Means Have I Accomplished This?

A bit of background: By this stage, just about each individual and others has given me a thumbs-down. I haven’t counted my win-lose ratio—it would be quite demoralizing.

For example: recently, a publication nixed 20 submissions one after another before saying yes to one. In 2016, at least 50 editors vetoed my book idea before a single one approved it. Later on, 25 agents rejected a project. An editor suggested that I send articles less often.

The Steps of Setback

When I was younger, each denial stung. It felt like a personal affront. It seemed like my work being rejected, but who I am.

No sooner a manuscript was turned down, I would go through the process of setback:

• First, surprise. Why did this occur? Why would editors be ignore my ability?
• Next, refusal to accept. Certainly it’s the wrong person? It has to be an oversight.
• Then, dismissal. What can they know? Who appointed you to judge on my labours? They’re foolish and their outlet is poor. I reject your rejection.
• Fourth, anger at those who rejected me, then anger at myself. Why would I put myself through this? Could I be a glutton for punishment?
• Fifth, negotiating (preferably seasoned with false hope). How can I convince you to recognise me as a unique writer?
• Sixth, sadness. I lack skill. What’s more, I can never become successful.

This continued through my 30s, 40s and 50s.

Great Company

Of course, I was in fine fellowship. Tales of authors whose books was at first declined are legion. The author of Moby-Dick. Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein. The writer of Dubliners. The novelist of Lolita. Joseph Heller’s Catch-22. Virtually all renowned author was initially spurned. If they could overcome rejection, then possibly I could, too. Michael Jordan was cut from his school team. The majority of US presidents over the recent history had previously lost races. Sylvester Stallone says that his Rocky screenplay and attempt to appear were turned down repeatedly. He said rejection as a wake-up call to motivate me and keep moving, instead of giving up,” he remarked.

Acceptance

As time passed, upon arriving at my senior age, I reached the final phase of rejection. Peace. Today, I more clearly see the various causes why someone says no. Firstly, an reviewer may have recently run a comparable article, or have one in the pipeline, or be considering a similar topic for another contributor.

Alternatively, unfortunately, my pitch is uninteresting. Or the evaluator believes I am not qualified or stature to be suitable. Or is no longer in the field for the content I am submitting. Or didn’t focus and scanned my piece hastily to recognize its value.

You can call it an epiphany. Everything can be rejected, and for numerous reasons, and there is pretty much not much you can do about it. Some reasons for rejection are always beyond your control.

Manageable Factors

Some aspects are your fault. Let’s face it, my pitches and submissions may sometimes be flawed. They may be irrelevant and resonance, or the message I am trying to express is insufficiently dramatised. Alternatively I’m being flagrantly unoriginal. Maybe an aspect about my grammar, particularly dashes, was unacceptable.

The essence is that, in spite of all my years of exertion and rejection, I have achieved published in many places. I’ve written several titles—my first when I was middle-aged, my second, a memoir, at 65—and in excess of a thousand pieces. These works have featured in publications big and little, in regional, worldwide outlets. My first op-ed appeared when I was 26—and I have now written to that publication for half a century.

Still, no bestsellers, no author events at major stores, no appearances on popular shows, no presentations, no honors, no Pulitzers, no Nobel, and no national honor. But I can better take rejection at this stage, because my, humble achievements have cushioned the jolts of my frequent denials. I can now be reflective about it all now.

Educational Setbacks

Denial can be instructive, but when you pay attention to what it’s indicating. Or else, you will likely just keep seeing denial incorrectly. What insights have I learned?

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