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Basic Toilet Humor

Restroom comedy has long been the reliable retreat in everyday journalism, and publications remain attentive of notable bog-related stories and milestones, particularly within football. It was quite amusing to discover that an online journalist Adrian Chiles has a West Brom-themed urinal at his home. Consider the situation regarding the Barnsley supporter who understood the bathroom somewhat too seriously, and had to be saved from an empty Oakwell stadium after falling asleep on the loo midway through a 2015 losing match versus the Cod Army. “He was barefoot and couldn't find his phone and his hat,” elaborated a representative from Barnsley fire services. And everyone remembers at the pinnacle of his career with Manchester City, the controversial forward entered a community college for toilet purposes in 2012. “His luxury car was stationed outside, before entering and requesting directions to the restrooms, then he went to the teachers’ staff room,” a student told a Manchester newspaper. “Later he simply strolled round the campus acting like the owner.”

The Lavatory Departure

Tuesday represents 25 years since Kevin Keegan stepped down from the England national team following a short conversation in a toilet cubicle together with Football Association official David Davies in the underground areas of Wembley, following that infamous 1-0 defeat against Germany in 2000 – the national team's concluding fixture at the historic stadium. As Davies remembers in his diary, FA Confidential, he had entered the sodden struggling national team changing area right after the game, discovering David Beckham crying and Tony Adams “fired up”, both players begging for the official to reason with Keegan. After Dietmar Hamann's set-piece, Keegan had trudged down the tunnel with a distant gaze, and Davies discovered him collapsed – reminiscent of his 1996 Liverpool behavior – in the dressing room corner, muttering: “I'm leaving. This isn't for me.” Stopping Keegan, Davies attempted urgently to salvage the situation.

“What place could we identify [for a chat] that was private?” stated Davies. “The passageway? Swarming with media. The dressing room? Heaving with emotional players. The bath area? I couldn’t hold a vital conversation with the national coach while athletes jumped in the pool. Merely one possibility emerged. The lavatory booths. A significant event in English football's extensive history took place in the vintage restrooms of an arena marked for removal. The approaching dismantling was nearly palpable. Dragging Kevin into a cubicle, I shut the door behind us. We stayed there, eye to eye. ‘My decision is final,’ Kevin declared. ‘I'm leaving. I'm not capable. I'll inform the media that I'm not adequate. I cannot inspire the squad. I can't extract the additional effort from these athletes that's required.’”

The Results

Consequently, Keegan quit, later admitting that he had found his tenure as national coach “without spirit”. The two-time European Footballer of the Year stated: “I found it hard to fill in the time. I ended up coaching the blind squad, the hearing-impaired team, supporting the female team. It’s a very difficult job.” The English game has progressed significantly in the quarter of a century since. Whether for good or bad, those Wembley restrooms and those twin towers are no longer present, although a German now works in the technical area Keegan previously used. Tuchel's team is considered among the frontrunners for next year's international tournament: England fans, don’t take this era for granted. This particular anniversary from one of the Three Lions’ darkest days acts as a memory that circumstances weren't consistently this positive.

Current Reports

Follow Luke McLaughlin at 8pm UK time for Women’s Bigger Cup updates regarding Arsenal versus Lyon.

Daily Quotation

“There we stood in a long row, wearing only our undergarments. We represented Europe's top officials, premier athletes, inspirations, mature people, mothers and fathers, resilient characters with great integrity … but no one said anything. We barely looked at each other, our looks wavered slightly nervously when we were requested to advance in couples. There Collina examined us thoroughly with a chilly look. Quiet and watchful” – ex-international official Jonas Eriksson discloses the embarrassing processes officials were once put through by ex-Uefa refereeing chief Pierluigi Collina.

Daily Football Correspondence

“What’s in a name? There’s a poem by Dr Seuss called ‘Too Many Daves’. Have Blackpool suffered from Too Many Steves? Steve Bruce, plus assistants Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been dismissed through the exit. Is this the termination of the Steve fascination? Not quite! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie remain to oversee the primary team. Total Steve progression!” – John Myles

“Now you have loosened the purse strings and distributed some merchandise, I've opted to write and offer a concise remark. Postecoglou mentions he initiated altercations in the school playground with kids he knew would beat him up. This pain-seeking behavior must justify his decision to join Nottingham Forest. Being a longtime Tottenham fan I'll continue appreciating the subsequent season award but the only second-season trophy I can see him winning along the Trent, should he survive that period, is the second tier and that would be a significant battle {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|